Like so many people, I have struggled with my weight.
I was always a bigger child; always a little more rotund than my older sister, but, that didn’t really bother me when I was young. I was never insecure about who I was as a kid. I was happy being the way that I was.
It was only when after I became a teenager that I started to notice that I looked a bit different from most of my friends. In two ways of course. I mean I realized that I was a bit heavier than the next kid and also I was becoming more aware of my limitations as a visually impaired person. (but the latter is a story for another time)
Even though I became aware of my size when I was 13, I was only slightly concerned about the way that I looked, and not at all concerned with my health. Looking back, I’m happy that I wasn’t super anxious about what others thought of me, but I wasn’t smart about the way that I viewed my health. I wasn’t taking care of my body, and that was a problem.
So, after a few more years of not caring, (I was 16 at this point) my family decided that they were going to start going to the gym, and I agreed to get a membership also. I remember going for a few weeks and then one day, I thought it would be a good idea to weigh myself. Well, it was a good idea. I have never been so disappointed in my entire life! I thought the scale was wrong, but I weighed myself again and it said the same thing. 206 pounds.
There were so many emotions going through my head for the next few weeks. Anger, disappointment, frustration… I just couldn’t believe how much I weighed. How unhealthy I was. I was so upset. But, these emotions fueled my determination to fix this problem. I went to the gym, and tried to eat better, and tried to be a healthier person in general, but at the time. It was hard though. I was young and I didn’t really know what I was doing. I didn’t have very many resources, or a lot of knowledge of how to go about losing weight.
Despite not really knowing what I was doing, I did manage to lose about 20 pounds over about 2 years, which was incredible, but I still needed to lose a few more in order to reach a more healthy weight
But my weight loss was put on hold because I went to college, and fell back into a slump of not eating right. I didn’t gain any weight (thankfully) but, again, I wasn’t taking good care of my body.
After I graduated, I went to camp for the summer and again, didn’t really do anything to take care of myself and continued eating poorly and not exercising. Bu then the fall came… And something happened that I can’t even really describe, or remember correctly. I remember there was a moment, at the end of the summer, when I was in the change room, trying on clothes, when I looked at myself, and said “I don’t want to be like this anymore” And that’s really the only part that I remember. The next year was honestly a blur, but I jumped back on the “being healthy wagon” and I did an extraordinary thing! I completely cleaned up my act. I stopped eating junk. I started exercising between 4 and 5 times a week, and between September 2012 and May 2013, I lost 40 pounds!!! 40 pounds!! Looking back it still amazes me that I was able to accomplish that! I started my journey at 206lbs and by 2013 (19) I was down to 145lbs. That’s right, I lost 61 pounds!! I was so proud of what I had accomplished. I finally liked the way I looked. I enjoyed buying clothes and I was finally healthy!!
But like so many others on the journey to better health, I was not able to maintain my weight loss. I went to camp in the summer of 2013 and went through a lot of emotional stuff in my life and gained almost 25 pounds. which was unfortunate, but I learned a lot about myself that summer and despite my weight gain, I was happy with how I grew, and I knew that I would be able to lose it again.
And I did. sort of. I lost 10 pounds, over the next year, and by the time my wedding day came, I was 160 pounds. Not too bad, but still not what I wanted to be at. I will say this though, looking back on my wedding day, I don’t think that I really looked overweight or unhealthy, and I’m very pleased with how I looked and felt on that beautiful day
In the beginning of 2015 I lost an additional 10 pounds so that brought me back to 150, so close to where I had once been at! Since then I’ve been in a constant state of fluctuation in my weight. In September of 2015 Dylan and I went on a special diet. It’s called the Specific Carbohydrate Diet. This diet is made for people who have Crohn’s Disease, and similar conditions, but to make it easier on Dylan, and to make life less complicated, I went on the diet with him. While on this diet I lost 7 pounds, which put me at my all-time lowest weight. 143lbs. But because of life circumstances we weren’t able to maintain this diet, and so my weight fluctuated, yet again!
And that’s how it is to this day. I’m currently sitting at 153 pounds, but over 2016, my weight has been anywhere from 148lbs to 155lbs! And that’s mostly because my eating habits aren’t always the best. There are weeks that go by when I don’t exercise at all, or eat very well. But then I’ll usually have a few good weeks in between where I’m very conscious of what I’m putting in my body, and making sure I’m being fairly active.
But that’s why I wanted to share my story with you. To hopefully inspire those of you who share a similar life path, and to offer some empathy to those who have reached their goals but have not been able to sustain them. We all fail sometimes, and there are many days when I want to just give up on being healthy, and sit and eat an entire bag of chips, but it’s on those days that I look back on my life and I see how far I’ve come, and I find the motivation to keep going, and never give up.